Sick child

The guilt is always first to set in whenever I discover that K is sick. Next is the whole crazy process of diagnosing the symptoms and killing myself wondering what went wrong and why. Hoping to prevent it for the future. That is every mother's response I believe and it is such a strained roller coaster ride. You can only do so much for your kid and comfort her so. And it is very draining. Emotionally and physically. Up to this point, K has about 4 colds and a long bout of constipation which is kinda in the clear but I'm still holding my breath as she is still not yet a regular pooper. On the cold/runny nose/fever front, it is very worrying to hold a warm kid and know that it is only up to her immune system to recover. Kids get sick. That's a fact of life in how their bodies learn about the various invasions they experience. But holding her, feeling her irritability, watching her cry inconsolably somehow makes you feel like an inadequate mama. Yes, inadequacy. That's the biggest guilty pang in the stomach. That after days and months of providing for her, in her going through the course of sickness, you are not enough. It is just an irrational feeling and though I try to tell myself that other sicker kids/mamas have it even tougher, it just doesn't negate that feeling.

As I'm typing this post, K is with a fever, resting in my lap, mouth attached to boob. I heard from a friend that as they breastfeed less, their immunity weakens and they have to fight more for themselves and I cannot concur more. Right after K turned 1 and fed less, she has had 3 infections in the last 6 months. That really poses a dilemma since I'm contemplating to sleep train her as my mom is around in the next month to help. Do I really want to night wean her so soon? Especially when she is sick, nursing is what really seems to comfort her and calm her down. Is this a sign telling me I shouldn't wean and sleep train her so soon? I wonder..